Example of writing from HSIE class - Ms Bec Ryan
This diary entry is an example of what can be achieved by practising the learning habit of drafting and rewriting until excellence is achieved. With the help of Ms Ryan, Ellen kept working on her writing until she achieved excellence. At her recent professional learning at UNSW, completing the mini Certificate of Gifted Education (COGE), this type of learning was reinforced as being extremely effective by Dr Geraldine Townend, gifted education expert and presenter at the mini-COGE course.
Diary Entry by Ellen Dolbel
Dark menacing storm clouds rolled over the hills as the rain fell intensely against the hard ground creating a welcome relief. If only I could offer such relief to my sons and wife from the painful agony, they are all experiencing. I can no longer count the blistered boiled spots leaking pus that itch constantly. I know I must keep my distance and I try to distract myself by starring out across the plains’ beauty. I try but I cannot help but peer into my wife’s eyes and see her struggle, discomfort and throbbing pain.
As the sun shyly appeared, gleaming through the trees, the first piece of food pierced my youngest boy’s mouth, a sparkle of hope surged through the insides of my body. Taking a short step in the direction of my family, a fear of uncertain helplessness shot through my heart shattering it into thousands of pieces. To see a faint smile, appear on my son’s face, as if a rehearsed performance, gave such pleasure to me. The future is still uncertain, but things are looking up from here. The puss no longer leaks, the eyes no longer weep and the crust on my wife’s blistering skin is beginning to lose its redness. I feel the worst may be over.
Three suns have passed, the third moon is just about to set, and I finally feel peace being gradually restored from the intense harm that has come upon my treasured family. At the rising of the next sun, when the kangaroos awaken, I will strike and prepare the first decent meal for my family, as their gaunt faces no longer look as ghosts. I look forward to a feast to build my families strength.
1789 (The unexpected)
Painful torment struck, and a turn for the worse. The constant hesitation flashed as if it were not real, but I knew they were all gone. I was alone, yet it felt like they were still with me, I could feel their spirits. Nature was all I had left the connections were not biological but most importantly they weren’t deep enough to capture and guard the torn hole in my heart. In amongst the beauty of the land I felt so small and distant from the rest of nature, unexplainable feelings spread as deadly as the horror that spread and viciously took out my family without a fear of regret. If I would of known they would pass while I was out hunting I never would of gone. I’m drawn to starring at the lifeless kangaroo hanging over the stump, swamped with flies while death itself surrounds the emptiness of my body. I am alone.